What Did I Do To Deserve This?

You thought this was gonna be a pity-party post, didn't you?  Title threw you off, huh? Well, take off your party hats and toss the confetti.   This ain't no pity party. 

I look at my life today and often wonder:  what did I do to deserve this?  And the answer is: NOTHING. 

I see it more and more every day...me having and getting things that I absolutely DO NOT deserve. 

And that is the very definition of grace.

Unmerited favor.

Getting what I do not deserve.

The greatest gift of grace that I will ever experience is my relationship with Jesus. 

(Like a "good Christian girl" I knew to put that one first.) 

But, I do not say that as a trite statement whatsoever.  I have been called out, pursued, changed, and adopted by my creator.  WHAT IN THE WORLD?  How could I ever think I deserve this?! 

The support system I have absolutely BLOWS MY MIND.  My family has been more than supportive and flexible during my time in treatment and my transition back into the "real world".  Never have they monopolized my time, put me on a guilt trip, or made me live under the shame and guilt of my addiction. There is alot to be learned from my family, namely, forgiveness. They are letting me live, something I have wanted to do for so long, but could not. They haven't had unrealistic expectations of me. They are just happy to see my spirit alive.  And I am, too. 

And my church...I pray I never take my church for granted.  I am drowning in truth, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and second-chances at my church.  I am submerged in the gospel. These men and women are chasing the heart of God.  The word is alive and it is changing us. Our pastor has a love for God's word that is contagious and it is trickling down. And the best part is that I do not mean just Sundays and Wednesdays.  I get to do LIFE with these people. 

I am being discipled by the classiest, most honest, loving, godly lady that I know.  I cannot say enough about her. She calls me her own child.  We pray together.  She lets me vent.  I listen. She listens. She cooks, I eat.  We laugh....oh do we laugh!! She challenges me, I challenge her.  We confront sin in each other's life. We talk about God's word.  We shop.  We talk about any and everything.  She teaches me about fashion, good olive oil, and how to cook healthy.   I teach her what it means to live in the mind of a recovering drug addict. I keep her on her toes.    We do life together. 

I meet with several women around my age, twice a month   I get to learn from them...from their honesty, wisdom, and life experience.  We cut up and our time together could last for hours on end, but most have children and a husband waiting on them at home. 

My job.  This is a subject for a different post. But I will leave you with Malachi 3:10:

"Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need."

And I don't mean financial blessings only.  God has really shown me his character through this job.

I have a place to call home.  FINALLY.  For so many years, I was nomadic.  And I do not use that term loosely.  I would live somewhere long enough (3 months at the longest) for people to start noticing something wasn't right with me (drugs) and I would pick up and move. I literally lived out of my car.  But now I have a cute, quaint apartment in the heart of little downtown Gadsden that I adore.  It's mine!   I will never take a home for granted. 

God is redeeming my life, one day at a time.  His grace has chased me down and I have surrendered.  And his grace has given me purpose. He is making all things new. 

"The Lord will restore the years that the swarming locusts have eaten..." Joel 2:25

I am so thankful for my life today.  My prayer is that my actions will ALWAYS show it.