Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Dear Single Christian Girl

(disclaimer: I wrote this letter to speak truth into my own life, but decided to share)

Dear Single Christian Girl,
You are not unnoticed. I see you. I know how it feels for even the smallest social events to cause an enormous amount of anxiety. Dress up and go anyway. Do NOT let social media be the only social life you have.
I know that, for you, church can even be awkward because you have no idea where to sit. Whatever you do, do not give up fellowship with believers because of your insecurity. Get involved. Serve. Give. Encourage. Love on the children there. Encourage the moms there. Be salt. Be light.
I know the sting you feel when one of your many married friends announces that she is pregnant again or that she and her husband are celebrating their ten year anniversary.
Rejoice with them. Get to know their kids. You can be the “cool aunt” and have a lot of“nieces’ and “nephews” that way.
I see the life drain out of your eyes and all hope of marriage for you diminish when your friend announces her engagement and proceeds with wedding plans.
Jump in and help her plan her wedding. After all, you have had a lot of practice!
I know that holidays are some of the hardest days and lonely and quiet. Mother’s Day can be a dagger in the heart and I won’t even talk about Valentine’s Day.
Celebrate others on those days. And eat chocolates, even if you buy them for yourself.
I know that weekends can be hard without other single friends. Travel. Go see people. Go see places. Exercise a lot. Sleep in. Drink coffee all you want.
And I know that wedding showers and baby showers bring about much heartache. Coordinate the showers. You DO get cake, after all!
I know you feel inadequate to have your married friends over to your tiny apartment for dinner because you don’t have beautiful china and you’re unsure of your cooking ability. Have them over, they probably need adult time. And they probably wouldn’t care if they got pizza on a paper plate. (I had a friend over not long ago and she loved being at my place because “it was so quiet she could hear the refrigerator running”)
I know that you have been used to having peers and in this season of life, there are none. Don’t think you can’t be friends with married people. Contrary to how you feel, you aren’t a different species because of your singleness.
There will be days that you will feel so very alone in the world. But you aren’t. God is with you, even now. He isn’t waiting “on the other side”. Also, reach out. And for the love of all that is good and right, stop overthinking. If you’ve gotta overthink something, let it be God’s word. Channel all of that overthinking into something beneficial, at least!!
I know you have a lot of extra time on your hands. Busy yourself with good things. Organize events. Get outside yourself. That is the best gift you can give yourself.
I also know that your heart hurts. I know that you feel like something is wrong with you. And most days you cannot be convinced otherwise. And I know you long for a family. Pray. Ask God. Trust him to hold your aching heart.
And I also know that nights can be painfully quiet and I know that is when Satan attacks. Stand firm. But to stand firm, you must have on the full armor of God. Dig deep into God’s word and stay there until you are changed.
I know all of these things. Trust me, I know.

It is really ok to feel all of these things. It is not ok to let them rule you and to act on them. You must take the thoughts and feelings captive into the obedience of Christ. Truth trumps feelings. Always

But I also know that your singleness is not a trial period. You are living now. Stop acting like the best is around the corner. Learn to cook now. Buy nice things for your tiny apartment. Truth is, you may never get married. Even if it is your deepest desire. But you must trust that God is good and that he knows what is best. For his glory. And for your good.

I also know that this can be one of the most self-absorbed times of your life. To put it bluntly: the world doesn’t revolve around you and your feelings of singleness. I know it feels like it should, but it does not. And nothing is wrong with you. Sure there are character flaws and your appearance is far from perfect. But that is not why you are still single. God doesn’t withhold anything good from those who walk uprightly. I will say it again, get outside yourself. Cancel the pity party before the planning even starts. Nothing beneficial has ever come from a pity party.
Focus on others. But above all, worship God. 

I also know that you desperately need reminding that you have a God who absolutely loves you. He pursues you. All of the relationships that you are seeking to find perfect love in….it’s not going to happen. It only happens in your relationship with Jesus. That goes for everyone- single or married. You are no less of a woman because you are not a wife or a mom. You are delighted over. You are not defective. Your worth is not determined by if there is a ring on your left hand or not. You will not be complete when you meet your husband or have kids. You will only be complete when you see Jesus. He is what your heart is longing for. He is why you were created. And your creator spent time forming you. You are exactly where he wants you. You are perfectly loved by our perfect God. And you are a character in the greatest love story ever told. Fall in love with your first love, over and over again.
You can stop obsessing over how you look. Always put your best foot forward, of course. But, if and when a man comes to sweep you off of your feet, he won’t know what BB cream or bare minerals is anyways. He will be a man after your heart, not your face. Don’t lower your standards and DO NOT COMPROMISE. Stop listening when the world tells you that you should be married by 33.

And when people say they love you and enjoy being around you, believe them. Don’t punish everyone else for feelings you have about yourself. Let God transform your mind. Learn to love yourself. You are worthy of that.

Chin up, buttercup. You’ve got a life to live. 


Your single sister in the fight with you 


  1. I know you wrote this a long time ago, but I needed to read it today! Thank you!

    1. Amen! Thank you for sharing with me, friend! Love you!

  2. Glad to have found you via #TellHisStory. Though I'm married, I have many friends who need to hear this at times and you handle the topic so well here! Thank you!