I recently stumbled across my old Instagram account...
And even as I type the possessive word "my", I am not so sure how much I even believe that the girl I saw staring back at me in those photos was really me. The 2011 Katy on that Instagram account had hollow eyes. She forced her smile. She had no ambition. She carried a darkness. She was dead inside. She was not the 2016 Katy that I know.
That Katy has been made new
I am thankful for reminders of who I once was, because I need to remember what The Lord has done and where He has brought me.
There are days that I feel like I am running full speed...backwards.
There are days when I think I will always believe the same lies over and over and over again.
There are days that the fight to believe truth is so exhausting that I have to have it spoken to me by those whose faith is stronger.
And then there are days that I am convinced that I have it all together...days that I think I have arrived, that I know everything, and that I have it all figured out.
And on every single one of those days, the grace of God is what carries me, and reminds me of the truth.
The truth is that I am what I am because of Christ who lives in me.
It is not me. It is not my circumstances. It's not my job, my sobriety, my status, or my personality.
It is Christ in me.
As much as I cringe to see the Katy that was posting to Instagram five years ago, I am thankful that she did.
I am thankful for the reminder of who I once was, because it shows me more of who God is.
He chose to rescue me because He delights in me.
And He is worthy of this life.
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain"
1 Corinthians 15:10