Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Hurts So Good

I know what is coming.  Tomorrow, something is going to be drastically different about my life.  I can't sleep, but I don't want to take anything to make me sleep because that is exactly what has gotten me to this point.  AND THEY KNOW IT.  I am pretty sure I can't hide any longer.  They are on to me. 

These are the thoughts going through my mind on this night two years ago.  
My life was in a million pieces, across two states.  
The next morning when I would wake up, and walk into my best friends house,
 my life would change forever.  
It was the hardest, best day of my entire life.  
January 9 was when my friends and pastor sat me down and called me out of darkness and sin and into the glorious light of Christ.  
It wasn't many days later that I surrendered to the Lordship of Christ.  
I traded my millions-of-pieces-of-a-life for his promise to make me whole.  
And he is staying true to his promise.  

I didn't wake up one day and decide I wanted to sell my soul to pills, trust me.  It was a slow fade.  And subtly and before I knew it, I was bowing down to this little "g" god.  
It became the most important thing in my life.  
I organized my life around it.  
It changed me.  
It controlled how I spent my time.  
It affected my relationships.  
It absolutely consumed me.  
And it got me to the darkest place of my life.  
I was ready to end my life.  
I was pursuing death, but at the very same time, perfect love was pursing me.  
God's irresistible love was chasing me down.  

Exposure:  it hurts so good.  

The freedom I felt when I knew I was exposed and I didn't have to live in darkness anymore is the most freeing place I have ever been.
When the light of God's truth started shining into my life, 
I could finally live.  

I look back on the past two years...and believe that God truly makes all things new.  
I am not the same. 
His word has cut the core of who I am and demanded a change.  
And this change isn't about me, at all. It is not so that people will look at me and think what a wonderful person I am.  
This is a story to show the greatness of our God. 
Now, this new love relationship I have with Christ has become
 the most important thing in my life.  
I now organize my life around him.  
He is changing me.  
And it has brought me to the most joyful days of my life.  

To God be the glory, great things he has done!

"This God-- his way is perfect.  
The Word of the Lord proves true.  
He is a shield for all who take refuge in him"
Psalm 18:30

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