Sunday, June 2, 2013

Dangerous Expectations

Katy Watters
Age: 32 years
Marital Status: Single


Something isn’t right here.  I am supposed to be married with kids by now. 

This used to be crippling for me. It was so bad that I numbed the horrific pain that came along with being single with drugs and alcohol.  To the point that it nearly killed me. 

I am usually not one to talk about this because it can run borderline pity-party. But hopefully someone out there can benefit from what I am about to share. 

I went to a beautiful wedding a few weeks ago.  It was a perfect picture of a Christ centered marriage.  Absolutely perfect. From the dress to the flowers, to the old rustic barn it was in, it was perfect.

But then I heard it on the way home.  The age-old lie that I believe oftentimes:
 "something is wrong with you, Katy.  You should be married.  What’s the problem?"

Several other things have happened lately and the lie has been screaming in my head.  SCREAMING!  It has gotten to the point that it is downright embarrassing for me to be single.  EMBARRASSING. 

Where is this lie coming from? 

The world.  The world and it’s expectations. And for the past few weeks, I have chosen to believe the world over my heavenly Father. 
 God doesn’t expect for me to be married right now.  He doesn’t expect for me to have kids.  He doesn’t expect for me to be anywhere other than where I am.  And guess what? 
He is not disappointed in me. 
So, I do not have to be embarrassed.  I don’t have to be insecure.  
I am complete.  Because I am in Christ. 

I came home from (my amazing) church today and just wept.  Cried out to God.  I told him about the loneliness.  I got honest with him about how much I desire a husband and children.  (sidenote: I believe those desires are good and healthy, when not coupled with a pity-party).  And he let me cry it out.  

But like the gentle, loving Father that he is, he brought me back to truth.  

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.  No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
-Psalm 84:11

He is not withholding one thing from me.  

It is GOOD that I am single.

Because if it weren’t, I wouldn’t be. 

I do not want to waste my singleness.

This has pointed me to the ultimate wedding day.  The day when Christ calls his perfect bride home.  

The day when I will finally see his face.  

“For your Husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of Hosts, And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all the Earth. " 
-Isaiah 54:5

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