When I was younger, thinking about how my life would unfold
seemed to be a fun hobby of sorts. You
know, all of the normal things: college, great marriage with really cute kids,
well-paying job, nice car, etc. Nowhere
in that, did I envision addiction. Wasn’t
my plan. No-one really sets out to be
controlled by drugs and alcohol. But,
selfish choice after bad choice, that is exactly where I ended up. Eight months in a treatment center. Loss of job.
Deteriorating physical appearance.
Breaking the hearts of all of the people who loved me. Empty.
Desperate.
Today, I am celebrating a year and a half of being set free
from that lifestyle.
Chemicals are no longer my master.
Today, I am free to worship the true and living God. And that is what I am giving my life to. Sure, it is messy. Really, really messy. But that helps me understand his grace.
The past 18 months have been days of lots of life changes. And
these life changes are only a result of a heart change. I knew things would
look different when I took that first step of true repentance, but I am not
sure that I knew exactly what all that would involve.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
-CS Lewis
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
-CS Lewis
I am learning that it is all about doing the next right thing. Being obedient
to the thing that stands in front of me today.
I am finding it harder to be obedient to the smaller things than the
really big ones. So, my seatbelt is buckled
and I am ready, by God’s grace, to see the rest of my life through sobered eyes and a new heart.
Now, would I have chosen addiction to be a part of my
story? No.
But there is a much bigger picture than the one I see. He is able to be trusted. And I am enjoying the redemptive moments of
his bigger plan. He is showing me what
it means to embrace my story and to look to him. Glimpse at my past, gaze at my Savior.
Sure, I love to blog, but it is my hope that this blog is serving an even bigger purpose than just therapy for me.
My hope is that you see how The Lord, Jesus Christ, has come in and done a complete overhaul. God is changing
my heart to be controlled by the love of Christ rather than anything this world
has to offer.
Thanks be to him! I will
never be the same!
"...by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire..."
2 Peter 1:4
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