A Reminder From Instagram

I recently stumbled across my old Instagram account...

And even as I type the possessive word "my", I am not so sure how much I even believe that the girl I saw staring back at me in those photos was really me.  The 2011 Katy on that Instagram account had hollow eyes.  She forced her smile. She had no ambition.  She carried a darkness.  She was dead inside.  She was not the 2016 Katy that I know.

 That Katy has been made new

I am thankful for reminders of who I once was, because I need to remember what The Lord has done and where He has brought me.

 There are days that I feel like I am running full speed...backwards.

There are days when I think I will always believe the same lies over and over and over again.

There are days that the fight to believe truth is so exhausting that I have to have it spoken to me by those whose faith is stronger. 

And then there are days that I am convinced that I have it all together...days that I think I have arrived, that I know everything, and that I have it all figured out.  

And on every single one of those days, the grace of God is what carries me, and reminds me of the truth.  

The truth is that I am what I am because of Christ who lives in me.

It is not me.  It is not my circumstances.  It's not my job, my sobriety, my status, or my personality.

It is Christ in me.

As much as I cringe to see the Katy that was posting to Instagram five years ago, I am thankful that she did.

I am thankful for the reminder of who I once was, because it shows me more of who God is.  

He chose to rescue me because He delights in me. 

And He is worthy of this life.  

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain"

1 Corinthians 15:10

EVEN Today

Each Wednesday night, anywhere from 7-10 young ladies pile in my little living room, eager to study the word of God.  I never saw it in my stars to lead a small group of middle and high school aged girls, but The Lord had plans that I never imagined.  Over the last year, my heart has been knitted with theirs and I like to think of myself as their cool big sister…because heaven knows I am not old enough to be a mom.  Ok, ok... so maybe I am.  Yikes!

You parents out there will understand what I mean by the term “learn from my mistakes”.  Although I have no biological children, I can still pass this on to my “spiritual children”.  When I was their age, making bad choices was my hobby.  It’s what I was good at.  And trust me when I say I was no amateur.  You could follow me around and you’re bound to see the majority of decisions I made on a daily basis at that age end up in disaster.  Why?  Because I made decisions based on what Katy wanted.  It was all about me. 

Ok, now back to small group.  One of the things I remind the girls of no less than four times on a given Wednesday is that the choices they make now matter.  I am pretty sure I thought my teenage years were mulligan years and that they didn’t count.  But as I have grown, I see that every single choice we make echoes into eternity.  I want these precious girls to learn from the mistakes I made when I was their age. 

I have a prayer that I pray each day that helps focus my heart on the One who deserves all of my attention.  It focuses on today, and reminds me that life is a gift…one to be received one day at a time.  It’s simple, but it’s life-altering and life-giving. 

“Lord, I give you my “yes” today.”  

See, I told you!  Simple!  But it changes the very core of who I am.  

No matter what you ask Lord, you have my “yes today”.  

I cannot help but think of the students who gave their very last “yes” to Jesus when Christopher Harper Mercer walked into Umpqua Community College with one question in mind: “are you a Christian?”  It stopped me in my tracks to read that in the headlines.  These faithful-until-death-souls gave Jesus their ultimate and final "yes".  And in an unfortunate act of violence…within minutes…saw the Lord.  Wow.  So, I put myself in that situation… you see, it’s easy to give the Lord my “yes today” when everything seems ok.  But what about when I am standing in the very face of persecution?  

It is my prayer that when those days come, even if it means it's my last, that I will say…”Lord, I give you my yes….EVEN today”.  

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life,  and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

John 6:68

My Wedding Day, Your Wedding Day...

Ever studied through the book of Revelation?  My pastor has done an excellent job unpacking the oh-so-complex book, and every single week, I am blown away!  I have never studied Revelation on my own, partly because I thought it was scary.  And partly because it talks about dragons with lots of heads and I don’t know what to make of that.  But, since Deric has started walking us through, I have been so eager to learn more from week to week.  We are in Chapter 11, and last week our super talented worship leader introduced us to a new song…and it echoes some of the last words from John “Even so, come Lord Jesus, come!”  Today, before we sang the song, he challenged us to stop and think about the words we were singing.  So often, I sing the words to songs simply because they are on the screen.  But today, it was different.

“Like a bride waiting for her groom…we’ll be a church ready for you.  Every heart longing for our King…we sing 'Even so, come, Lord Jesus, come'"

Go ahead, just listen to it here.

That particular line in the song just gets me.  

Do I really understand what it means to be a bride waiting on King Jesus? 

Now, as you know, I am single and never experienced being a bride, but I have, many times, been one that has been honored to stand by one of my beautiful bride friends on their wedding day.  And oh my goodness, the days and weeks and months that lead to the wedding are FULL of planning and making sure every detail is in order.  It goes a little something like this:  we have to order dresses, taste cakes, get a garter, make a playlist, practice makeup, get the perfect hairstyle, decide on a venue, get the perfect shoe, and don’t forget something old, new, borrowed and blue!   And more times than I can even remember, I have been standing by a bride in the back of the church as she prepares to walk down the aisle to the man she will spend the rest of her life with.  The nerves won’t seem to subside and the excitement oozes from every corner of the room! As the doors swing open, you can feel the anticipation of the guests with eyes strictly on the one in white, as it builds to the climactic moment when the bride lays her eyes on her groom for the very first time! My breath has been taken away by this once in a lifetime moment more times than I can count! 

And, all of this has been from a third party perspective! 

I cannot even imagine how the actual bride feels!

Today as we were singing those rich words, I was brought to tears by the fact that I AM A BRIDE…something I have always wanted to be since I was a little girl!  We all dream of our beautiful white gown, with our favorite color popping around the room, our friends standing by us, and dancing with our daddy at the reception.  And today, I realized that I will, no doubt, experience a wedding, not as a bridesmaid, but as a BRIDE!  With the new mercies that God promises each day when my feet hit the floor, I am one day closer to my wedding day. And as much as I long for an earthly husband, I know that it is meant to serve as a reminder that I will experience an even greater day-and the perfect husband. I am humbled beyond words that the Creator of everything and everyone has chosen me to be his bride!  But above choosing me, he has chosen his church…the ones that truly trust in him! And those days, weeks, and months preceding that day is NOW.  What am I doing to build up the ones that he loves, his church?  Am I being faithful?  Am I inviting everyone to this wedding day…because oh what a celebration it will be!  Our Heavenly groom has sent out the ultimate invitation, and we get to tell everyone we know about this day!  Are all of the details in order?  And the question we must answer as his church is this: will we be a bride that is ready, one that is presented beautifully and without blemish to our Lord?  Ouch.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be a church that truly is ready for him.  

As my lips sang those words today, my heart, too, was able to sing a new song…with spiritual eyes that see that this world is not my home and that my wedding day is coming!  Your wedding day is coming.  May we prepare our hearts and our lives for his return! 

"For your Maker is your husband,

the Lord of hosts is his name;

and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,

the God of the whole earth he is called"

Isaiah 54:5

Hanging On Every Word

"And he was teaching daily in the temple. The chief priests and the scribes and the principal men of the people were seeking to destroy him, but they did not find anything they could do, for all the people were hanging on his words"
Luke 19:47-48

This time of year, probably more so than any other, God’s word is read and facebook status-ed (is that a word?!) and tweeted.  You see it everywhere.  I even instagrammed it this past weekend on Palm Sunday.  We all read about Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey, and the crowds waving palm branches. And then we probably all read the story of Jesus standing before the crowds and Pontius Pilate.  And of course the horrific death of Jesus, followed by the most glorious words...


“Why do you seek the living among the dead?  He is not here, but has risen!”
Luke 24:5-6

But this week as I was reading, I noticed something in between I have never noticed before-just after Jesus enters Jerusalem and after he cleanses the temple.  In the same temple in which he overturned tables, he teaches.  And of course, people were out to get him.  They wanted to find a reason to destroy him.  But they couldn’t.  Why? 

Because the people were hanging on his words. 

They believed every word that came out of his mouth.  Even when the circumstances seemed rocky and unsure, they hung on his words.  And the ones wanting to take his life noticed.  And relented.  

It just made me stop and think about how different my life would be if that were true of me.  If, in every area of my life, I would just hold onto the very words of Jesus. 

Not my emotions.  Not the words of man.  But the Word of God.  

Would I love others more?  Would I serve others more?  Would I trust him more?  Would I sleep better at night?  Would I experience more joy? Would I feel more secure even when my circumstances weren't?  

And above all, wouldn't it honor him? 

I think the answer is a resounding "yes".

Oh, that I would be a woman that hangs onto the very word of God!

A Red Peacoat, A Twenty Dollar Bill, and the Season's Change

(disclaimer: I am not changing jobs, or cities, or getting married, or making some huge change in my life.  I was just thinking about the change of seasons and God brought this to my heart! Also, that is NOT me in the above pic.  Ok, now that we've got all of that straight, you can keep reading!)

Fall is here!  And I love everything about this season. I love the "pep" it puts in my step.  I love the weather.  I love the foliage. I love the beautiful skies.  I love the bonfires.  I just love this season! I think alot of us do!  In the South, we love the relief of the cooler air and SEC football is on everyone's TV screens on any given Saturday.  But as much as I love this season, when December rolls around,  I don't kick and scream as I'm pulling out my red peacoat.  No, I just pull it out and quietly put away my t-shirts.  And one time, I even found a $20 bill in the pocket from the previous year!  Sweet!  And when spring comes, I put up the peacoat and grab the sundresses and flip-flops.  The same with summer.  I go from one season to another without much of a fuss.   

But do I do that in life?  When God has a season planned for me, do I go into it with an open heart, looking for what he has for me in that new season?  I'm afraid I don't.  Why?  I am entirely too comfortable in the previous season. I kick and scream and pitch a fit and white knuckle and will-not-let-go.  Apparently because I think I know what is best for me.  Which I absolutely do not.  But just as seasons during the year change, so do seasons in life.  And just like when the weather changes, it is not necessarily a bad thing.  Yes, it will take some adjusting, but I. will. be. okay.  And I want to be one who embraces life.  One who goes in no-holds-bar living in the moment, for the glory of God!  

I think we can learn something from the change of seasons.  It is ok to move forward.  And not only ok, but it is good, because a season's change in life is usually necessary.  

And you know, I bet if I look for it, just like I found a $20 bill in the pocket of my peacoat, I will find a sweet spot in the season of life that I find myself in.  

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Don't Whittle it Away!

This was a guest post I originally did over on "Everyday Living" by Pam and Butch Richardson.  Most of you that read my blog probably know the Richardson's, but if not...take time to read their blog and get to know them.  When I started living in Gadsden, they became my second parents.  They have loved me as their own and I love that you all can get a glimpse into their life through their blog!  

Noccalula Falls is where you can find me on any given weekday during my lunch break. I guess you can say it has become a part of myeveryday living. When the clock strikes noon, I head up the mountain to enjoy my hour of respite from office work. Last Wednesday, something different happened and I feel like I learned a little lesson in living.

Staying true to my routine, I sat at one of the picnic tables in the shade as I ate my lunch. I was catching up on Instagram posts, emails, and Facebook from the morning. I was nearly finished eating when I noticed a man walking close. He was headed towards MY SWING. Now, I guess that needs a little explanation. I have a swing that I usually sit in after I finish eating lunch every day, and I love it—it is so peaceful! For some reason, it is rarely taken and I like to think that God reserves it just for me. But today, my swing was going to be occupied. And I was just going to have to deal. And I am sure glad it was!

The man sat down, and he had this long stick and a knife. Weird combo for most, but I knew what he was about to do: whittle, of course! You see, when I was a little girl, I loved pigs. (Random, I know, but don’t we all have our quirks??) Anyway, my dad had one of his co-workers carve me a little pig to put on my night stand. It was one of my favorite things—that whittled pig. This man was about to whittle—sitting right there on my swing. So I just decided to ask him about it. “Are you about to whittle?” I asked him. He perked up…”I sure am, what do you know about it?” So I told him the story about my whittled pig. It got us into conversation, but what he said next–I hope and pray–will stay with me for the rest of my years. “I like to whittle. It passes the time for me. I need something to help me waste time these days.” He said a few more things that I didn’t really hear because I was still processing the previous comment. He was whittling his life away. We talked about his previous marriages, his grandchildren, and his retirement from the Steel Plant. But I couldn’t help but think of how this man was literally and figuratively whittling his life away. It is what he was spending his days doing. As I looked at the shavings on his lap that would soon be part of the dirt at his feet, I was learning a lesson in living. We have a choice as to how we approach this life:

We can waste it and whittle it away or we can invest it and live.

And it seems very fitting that I would be asked to do this guest post and then God, in his providence, would bring the whittling man into my lunch hour.

And just so you know…Butch and Pam told me I could have freedom to say what I wanted on their blog today, so I will take advantage: 

You see, the whittling man showed me what it looked like to waste my days, while The Richardson’s have shown me how to live my days. I have been most blessed to be “adopted” into the Richardson family. They have truly invited me into their everyday living. And by that, I simply mean we do life together. And there is much wisdom to be learned from their lives. I love to watch them invest their lives into each other and into the lives of those around them. They enjoy life and people—because they see that both are good gifts from The Father. And I am sure glad that they do, because my life is different because of it!! There is a clear difference when you live life with purpose—and that purpose being the glory of God and the good of all peoples. As I grow older, I want my life to count. I want to make an eternal impact. I want to truly live.

I just love how God meets us in our routine, often mundane events, and shows us more about himself. And if we just take time to listen to others stories, which most of the time I never do, God always shows up. He reveals himself through nature, people, random scenarios, and even the random whittling man who steals your swing on your lunch break.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12

Finding Joy in the Ordinary

 

 

During my years of struggling with addiction, I lived from one major life event to the next.  Drama.  Good or bad, I didn't care.  Life wasn't much of anything to me unless something huge was happening.  Move cities.  Move states.  Decide haphazardly that I want to be a nurse. Run head first into a job I was not cut out for. If something wasn't happening, I would make it happen--I was good at that. I was searching for the "perfect formula" for life to work for me.  The right job, a nice home, a perfect marriage, 2.5 kids, and let's not leave out the dog and white picket fence to just encompass all of the American dream.
And guess what?  I never found that formula. I don't have those things. 
That is definitely not the reality I find myself in today.

 

I have been learning what it means to find joy in the ordinary.  I don't have to wait for the next major event for life to be exciting, because the most signicant and life-altering event in all of history has happened. And because I trust in that, there is an even greater event coming: the day I will see the face of Jesus. And since Jesus has sought me out, my search for that "perfect formula" is over.  I can be content in the moment in which I find myself.       

 

  Because Jesus has endured the biggest event the world will ever know, the dreadful and glorious cross, I can find meaning, purpose, and joy in the smallest things:

   

Playing in an ice cold creek and hiking in a cave with my niece and nephews
Getting out of that ice cold creek and eating the sweetest watermelon on the planet
Hearing someone you have so badly wronged say "you are forgiven"

Making fresh salsa on a summer afternoon

Being on a first name basis with the vendors at the local Farmer's Market

Learning to love the things that other people love
Watering my flowers every morning before work

Learning to cook foods that God provides fresh from my dad's garden

Cool breezes on a July evening

Sunsets

Sunrises
The passion in someone's eyes when they talk about something they love
Cooking for other people "just because"

Fresh eggs from my grandparent's farm

Walking around the backyard of my dearest friend, as she teaches me about herbs and flowers

Clearing my mind on a three mile run after work

Discovering a new love for cooking, fresh flowers, Farmer's Markets, and all things shabby chic
 

...learning to look to and love the giver more than the gift...
 

Life's daily joys are necessary for me because they remind me that I am okay. That everything is good.  Jesus is still on his throne and life is still worth living. And he enjoys giving good gifts to his children.  Finding joy in the ordinary reminds me that the moment has been redeemed. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I do still love "big events", but I don't live for them anymore.  I am the epitome of a work in progress.  But God is shaping my mind and my eyes to view all events, both big and small- as given to me from the same hand-- the hands of my good Father that filters everything.  

Dear Single Christian Girl

(disclaimer: I wrote this letter to speak truth into my own life, but decided to share)

Dear Single Christian Girl,

You are not unnoticed. I see you. I know how it feels for even the smallest social events to cause an enormous amount of anxiety. Dress up and go anyway. Do NOT let social media be the only social life you have.

 

I know that, for you, church can even be awkward because you have no idea where to sit. Whatever you do, do not give up fellowship with believers because of your insecurity. Get involved. Serve. Give. Encourage. Love on the children there. Encourage the moms there. Be salt. Be light.

 

I know the sting you feel when one of your many married friends announces that she is pregnant again or that she and her husband are celebrating their ten year anniversary.

Rejoice with them. Get to know their kids. You can be the “cool aunt” and have a lot of“nieces’ and “nephews” that way.

 

I see the life drain out of your eyes and all hope of marriage for you diminish when your friend announces her engagement and proceeds with wedding plans.

Jump in and help her plan her wedding. After all, you have had a lot of practice!

 

I know that holidays are some of the hardest days and lonely and quiet. Mother’s Day can be a dagger in the heart and I won’t even talk about Valentine’s Day.

Celebrate others on those days. And eat chocolates, even if you buy them for yourself.

 

I know that weekends can be hard without other single friends. Travel. Go see people. Go see places. Exercise a lot. Sleep in. Drink coffee all you want.

 

And I know that wedding showers and baby showers bring about much heartache. Coordinate the showers. You DO get cake, after all!

 

I know you feel inadequate to have your married friends over to your tiny apartment for dinner because you don’t have beautiful china and you’re unsure of your cooking ability. Have them over, they probably need adult time. And they probably wouldn’t care if they got pizza on a paper plate. (I had a friend over not long ago and she loved being at my place because “it was so quiet she could hear the refrigerator running”)

 

I know that you have been used to having peers and in this season of life, there are none. Don’t think you can’t be friends with married people. Contrary to how you feel, you aren’t a different species because of your singleness.

 

There will be days that you will feel so very alone in the world. But you aren’t. God is with you, even now. He isn’t waiting “on the other side”. Also, reach out. And for the love of all that is good and right, stop overthinking. If you’ve gotta overthink something, let it be God’s word. Channel all of that overthinking into something beneficial, at least!!

I know you have a lot of extra time on your hands. Busy yourself with good things. Organize events. Get outside yourself. That is the best gift you can give yourself.

 

I also know that your heart hurts. I know that you feel like something is wrong with you. And most days you cannot be convinced otherwise. And I know you long for a family. Pray. Ask God. Trust him to hold your aching heart.

 

And I also know that nights can be painfully quiet and I know that is when Satan attacks. Stand firm. But to stand firm, you must have on the full armor of God. Dig deep into God’s word and stay there until you are changed.

 

I know all of these things. Trust me, I know.

It is really ok to feel all of these things. It is not ok to let them rule you and to act on them. You must take the thoughts and feelings captive into the obedience of Christ. Truth trumps feelings. Always

But I also know that your singleness is not a trial period. You are living now. Stop acting like the best is around the corner. Learn to cook now. Buy nice things for your tiny apartment. Truth is, you may never get married. Even if it is your deepest desire. But you must trust that God is good and that he knows what is best. For his glory. And for your good.

I also know that this can be one of the most self-absorbed times of your life. To put it bluntly: the world doesn’t revolve around you and your feelings of singleness. I know it feels like it should, but it does not. And nothing is wrong with you. Sure there are character flaws and your appearance is far from perfect. But that is not why you are still single. God doesn’t withhold anything good from those who walk uprightly. I will say it again, get outside yourself. Cancel the pity party before the planning even starts. Nothing beneficial has ever come from a pity party.
Focus on others. But above all, worship God. 

I also know that you desperately need reminding that you have a God who absolutely loves you. He pursues you. All of the relationships that you are seeking to find perfect love in….it’s not going to happen. It only happens in your relationship with Jesus. That goes for everyone- single or married. You are no less of a woman because you are not a wife or a mom. You are delighted over. You are not defective. Your worth is not determined by if there is a ring on your left hand or not. You will not be complete when you meet your husband or have kids. You will only be complete when you see Jesus. He is what your heart is longing for. He is why you were created. And your creator spent time forming you. You are exactly where he wants you. You are perfectly loved by our perfect God. And you are a character in the greatest love story ever told. Fall in love with your first love, over and over again.

You can stop obsessing over how you look. Always put your best foot forward, of course. But, if and when a man comes to sweep you off of your feet, he won’t know what BB cream or bare minerals is anyways. He will be a man after your heart, not your face. Don’t lower your standards and DO NOT COMPROMISE. Stop listening when the world tells you that you should be married by 33.

And when people say they love you and enjoy being around you, believe them. Don’t punish everyone else for feelings you have about yourself. Let God transform your mind. Learn to love yourself. You are worthy of that.

Chin up, buttercup. You’ve got a life to live. 

Sincerely, 

Your single sister in the fight with you 

I missed it!

 

You have heard me talk about and even blog about my friendships.  How important they are to me, how much I value and treasure them, and how I would really do anything for my friends. 

But, I haven't always been that way. 

 

I have always had really good friends, but I have not always been a good friend. 

 

This past weekend, we had a Ladies Luncheon at my church and it was an awesome time of fellowship and encouragement.  I walked away impacted, just like everyone else, but I think I was impacted in a different way. 

 

(pull up a chair and sit a spell...)

 

Denise, the speaker, spoke a lot on suffering.  She has walked through incurable cancer with her son.  She spoke of the "tear in her soul" that the diagnosis brought about.  She talked about the fight of faith.  The questions.  The numbness.  The doubt.  The hope.  She hit on it all.

 

She also talked a lot about her daughter-in-law, her son's wife, who walked through this with him at the age of 25.  Twenty-five.  Can you imagine?  I won't even pretend like I can understand.  But she rolled up her sleeves and went head first. She researched this disease.  She stayed strong. She trusted The Lord.  And she faced her biggest fear-- the very real possibility of losing her husband to cancer. Why was it her biggest fear? 

Because at the age of 12, she had lost her mom to cancer. Tears streaming. 

All over the room. 

 

And I was no exception to the tears streaming. But, I am also sobered.  I am sobered by the story, yes.  But I am more sobered by God's goodness.  Across the table from me sits the daughter-in-law.  The daughter-in-law just so happens to be one of my most precious friends, Stacey.  To me, this story is real.  This story has faces to put with it.  I knew this story was happening as it was going on, but I was unengaged.  I was too deep into my drug addiction to care, bottom line. I was not there to carry burdens.  I was not there to take a meal.  I was not there to call her up on the phone or send her a text telling her I loved her and I am praying for her.   I was not there.  And I hate that I missed it.  Sin separates us from the ones we love the most.  And we don't even realize it is happening. 

And before we know it, we look up and we.have.missed.it.   

And it hurts. 

 

Sitting right there in front of me, was one of the strongest, most courageous, most godly women I have ever met in my entire life.  At the age of 29. And I was absolutely overwhelmed by God's grace that had maintained that friendship.  Even when we are faithless, he remains faithful.

I grabbed her after the luncheon and just said "I missed it all and I am so sorry!!"  See, I knew those things were going on, but I was so self-consumed and internally focused that I was not engaged.  But Stacey responded with such love and grace that only comes from The Father. 

And here is the thing: I don't really deserve her forgiveness.  I wasn't there during the deepest suffering of her life!  But she overly extended grace and mercy to me. 

And in that moment, I was so amazed at the goodness of God. 

 

Stacey, your character in suffering and grace towards me in our relationship encourage me to seek our Heavenly Father more. 

Thank you.  I know him a little more than I did last Saturday because of you. 

And I thank God that he continues to build our relationship even stronger today.

 

And just to update you.   Stacey's husband is now NED (no evidence of disease) and they have a baby girl, Nola Bradley, who turns one this month.  A true miracle, indeed. 

Stacey, I hope on this Mother's Day, you feel how much you are truly loved and are celebrated!

 

thirteenpointone

I have heard the best way to stick to something is to gain accountability for it. 

Tell people about it. 

And since I posted it on social media, I guess the cat is out of the bag

...I am training for my first half marathon! 

 

I ran my first 5k in January and decided running wasn't so bad after all. 

The training program I used (Couch to 5k) kept me disciplined.

And since I had registered for the race in November and recruited a friend to run with me, I knew I would have to do it! And this past weekend, I ran 10k (6.2 miles) and started feeling more confident that I could do the half. 

But there is quite a difference in 6.2 and 13.1.

 

So why a half marathon?  Why not a 10k next? 

I probably will run a 10k race sometime during this training,

but I know myself, and I know I need a stretch goal. 

I work well when the goal seems impossible. 

And when it looks like I couldn't do something, it is motivation for me. 

Because I am just that head strong and stubborn, I guess. 

 

It is crazy how much running and my relationship with the Lord go hand in hand. 

I blogged about this in an earlier post, but I am learning a few more things physically and spiritually as my running journey continues. 

 

Get rid of old clothes. 

The clothes I started off running in, in November, do not fit anymore.  

I was running a mile for time a few weeks ago and my shorts were literally falling off to the point that I couldn't really run. 

And my closet is packed full of clothes-- most of which are too large.  

(I really need to get rid of them, anyone want to help clean a closet?)

But I still hang on to them. Just in case? 

I feel like, we, as believers, are guilty of this. 

We hold onto our old "filthy rags" just in case. 

We are still wearing the clothes we have made for ourselves when robes of

righteousness are ours through Christ. 

 

"...to give unto them beauty for ashes..." -Isaiah 61:3

 

"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10

 

I can stop labeling myself. And others.   

I still do not consider myself a runner.  I think of a "runner" as a person who runs marathons and finishes with a great time.  Someone with a slender build.  Someone who knows the "ins and outs" of running. Someone who knows about hydration and gels and carb loading. 

And that someone would not be me.

In my mind, I am still the "big girl" with a bad foot who could never run. 

Labels are deadly. 

Even in the Christian life, I confess that I label. 

I give myself or someone else a label and expect them to act accordingly. 

But it's opposite. 

I remember about 5 years ago, a counselor I was seeing told me she would never ask me about who I thought God was, but she would tell me who I thought God was by my actions.

That hit hard.

If I run, I am a runner. 

And in the same way, if I love Christ and follow him, I will do what God commands. 

 

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." -John 14:15

 

It gives me new ways to be thankful. 

I remember hearing people say that they used their running times as times to really worship God and to cry out to him in prayer. 

I was thinking "yeah, I will cry out to God during a run, alright.  I will pray that I don't die". 

But now I get it.  I love to run outside. 

(Treadmills make me feel confined and no one can confine me, it just suffocates

me and I end up freaking out.) 

When I am running outside, I notice things I wouldn't notice otherwise. 

And it really is some of my best prayer time and time for me to just worship God. 

I can pour out my heart before him.  I can clear my head. 

And above all, I can be thankful that he allows me to run. 

And that he has given me good health. 

And that he has given me a second chance to take care of my body,

that this body can really be used to honor him. 

 

"...or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,  for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." - 2 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

Pace Yourself.

It really is a (half) marathon, not a sprint. If I start off too fast, chances are, I won't finish strong.  I have learned to be realistic.  I am not some record breaking runner. 

I simply set out to finish,  and to finish strong. 

Today, in this moment, in this mile of the race,

I want to breathe in His direction and breathe out obedience.

Too often in my walk with The Lord, I want to do great things for him, which is definitely not a bad thing.  But I have to be realistic. 

Can I really just drop everything here in the US and go die a martyrs death in some third world country?  Am I equipped for that?

Sure, I could, but is that being faithful to what God has called me to today? 

 

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

 

Persevere.

As I was running Saturday, I wanted to stop after about mile 4. 

And I considered it.  But I kept pushing through. Because there was a goal. 

And I had others cheering me on. 

(Literally, through texts!) 

How much more should we persevere as children of God?  

There is a much greater goal than finishing a measly run. 

We live to see the face of Jesus. And to be with God forever.   

Our Heavenly Father and a great cloud of witnesses is surrounding us as we
are sojourning on this Earth.  There is a goal and there is a purpose. 

Even in suffering, hardships, loneliness. 

There is more than what we see. 

 

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." -James 1:12

 

I am reminded everyday that he is making all things new. 

But running has been a way for me to truly experience that in the physical realm. 

And these two dear friends will be joining me once again.
(Have I mentioned that I have the very best and most encouraging friends?)

The Very Best Two Years...

"I don't really know what my emotions are, I just know I have a headache.  I am on my way to treatment and I have knots in my stomach.  I am ready to change but so scared of the process.  I don't want to be broken like this, but Lord, I want to be made whole."

Those are words that I journaled as my friend drove me to treatment.
Deep down, I knew this was a time I would never want to forget.
This was my first sober day.  

That was 730 days, or two years ago, today.  

My first sober day was painful.
As my mind started to clear from the fog that drugs had left me in,
I started feeling the pain of my sin.
My body ached.  My heart ached. And I had not felt anything in years.  I had literally killed my soul.
But as time went on, I got my emotions back (oh BOY, did I get my emotions back!!)
I felt alive.
But I still had no idea that he was preparing me for such a full life, rooted in him.
I had no idea that on that November day when I would leave treatment,
my life would truly begin again.  

My worst days now are infinitely better than my very best days in addiction. 

The past two years have been so full.  

Full of change.  There are very few things about my life now that are the same as they were 2 years ago.  Location, job, ambition, desires, goals, dreams, focus, hobbies, reactions, you-name-it. 
I surely do not live for the same things.

Full of joy.  Joy that can only come from The Lord.  It hasn't been a "breeze", but I have a living hope that does not change as my circumstances do.
There have been many tears shed, but my joy is in something that tears cannot wash away. 

Full of hope.  I no longer wake up dreading the day because my hope is in the
risen Christ who has conquered all.  Whatever I face has been filtered through the GOOD hands of my heavenly Father who works it all for my good. 

Full of friendships.  New ones, and restoration and healing of the old.
All of which encourage me to press on to know the Lord.

God has replaced that desire I had for drugs and alcohol with a desire to know him today.
In the same way that my body craved drugs two years ago, my heart longs to be with him today.
I remember using every bit of energy that I had on getting my next "fix".
My prayer is that my energy will now be exerted in pursuing God in that way.
I fail him daily but his love has never-- and will never fail me.   It just keeps pursuing my heart.
I just want to know him and be made like him.  And I want others to experience this good gift.
And I know that this is a good gift of his grace.  

I credit no one or nothing else for this day.  Not even myself. 

You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.

Psalm 119:68